When I heard about the new Grace Jones ride at Disneyland Paris, I knew I had to go. As soon as I entered the park, it was
evident that Disneyland Paris is much different than the American version of the park. First off, there’s
nobody there. There was only one other attendant in the park and he just followed me around and spit on me.
I guess that’s a French custom. It’s cool, I just wish somebody had warned me about that one. But at least
there were no lines! You sure don’t get that in Orlando!
But that’s enough about the park, let me talk about the ride. I was worried when I got close that the Grace Jones animatronic would look stupid and fake, but it didn’t. Probably because it’s not a fucking animatronic. It’s really Grace Jones! And as soon as you get within her reach, she picks you up and throws you somewhere. One time she threw me so far I had to pay to get back into the park. She does this all day and she never gets tired. Sometimes she does it while she’s twirling a hula hoop. She’s amazing! I rode her over and over again!
So if you ever find yourself in that shithole of a city named Paris (France) and can’t find anything to do, my recommendation is you head on over to Disney and get manhandled by Grace Jones. It’s magical!
Day after day my inbox is filled with messages asking the same thing: "Are you happy with your penis size?" The other question I get, although not as frequently, is "Are you really as big of a dumbass as you seem?" It sounds like people don't know the real Troy Lukkarila. So in order to shed some light on the mystery which is apparently me, I decided to post some facts about myself.