February 12, 2006
MUSLIMS, CHRISTIANS AND CELINE DION FANS UNITE AGAINST COMMON ENEMY
Across the globe outrage has erupted into violent
protest due to the defaming of one of pop music’s dearest stars, Celine
Dion, by Troy Lukkarila on his web site. They’re also a bit miffed about
the Mohammed cartoons and the “Jesus skid mark” on his web site, but the
Celine Dion thing really takes the cake.
Pictures of the protesters:
February 6, 2006
NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK BY TROY
Statement from Troy: "I'm getting this strange
vibe that my publisher doesn't like my new children's either.
Sometimes you just can't make some people happy."
February 4, 2006
TROY'S BOOK DROPPED BY PUBLISHERS
Without warning or explanation Troy's book was dropped
by his publisher even before it made it to the bookshelves. Said an
irate Troy, "This is my life's work! They have offended me greatly
by banning my blasphemous book and I shall take my revenge by setting
fire to their headquarters!"
Troy's new book that will probably never see the light of
day
December 19, 2005
TROY REVIEWED IN THE BIG TAKEOVER
Jack Rabid reviews "Unsafe Structure" in issue #57 (25th
Anniversary issue) of
The Big Takeover.
It's not available online so march yourself to the nearest bookstore and
pick one up.
December 7, 2005
FOLIO WEEKLY RUNS ARTICLE ABOUT TROY
Outstanding journalist Shelton Hull has a nice article
this week about Troy in Jacksonville, Florida's Folio Weekly. If
you can't get your hands on a copy, you can read it
here on the WB17 website.
November 1, 2005
"Unsafe Structure" Released to the General Public
October 1, 2005
"Unsafe Structure" CD Release Party
July 10, 2005
IT'S A MIRACLE!
What was described by Troy Lukkarila as “a very painful
itch in a very private area” turned out to be a blessing in disguise,
for shortly after scratching, Troy discovered the divine image of
our Lord imprinted in his underwear. An ecstatic Troy exclaimed, “In the
history of mankind there has never been greater indisputable physical
evidence of God's glory!"
The heathens at eBay refused to list the "Jesus skidmark" under the
guise that it is offensive material, therefore Troy will be holding a
private auction. According to Troy, "The Vatican has shown
interest and I'm hoping to work out a deal with them to where my Holy
underwear can be publicly displayed among other great works of art--
perhaps in the Sistine Chapel."
Troy is hopeful that the Lord will continue to use him as a vessel.
To prepare his body for God's work, Troy is currently maintaining a
Krystal burger and prune Juice fast.
May 26, 2005
Lukalips Destruction Co. Celebrates Year Without News
To celebrate 365 days without significant news, Lukalips
Destruction Co. threw a massive party for the purpose of lifting the
morale of its bored employees. Troy Lukkarila, being the only
employee , was the only person in attendance. He drank too much.
He drooled on himself and muttered something about suing himself for
sexual harassment.
May 26, 2004
Sorry about the email outage
Seems last week we were so overwhelmed with hate mail and spam that we exceeded our storage limit causing
several emails to get bounced back undeliverable. The problem is solved so keep those nasty-grams coming!
May 5, 2004
Lukalips Destruction Co. Bids for Disney
Lukalips Destruction Co. made a surprise, unsolicited offer to buy Walt Disney Co. for an undisclosed amount, rumored to be in the hundreds. When asked what changes are in store for the Magic Kingdom should the buyout go through, Lukalips Destruction Co. president, Troy Lukkarila, said that the aging amusement park "will be moving toward a more garbage theme. That annoying mouse character will be replaced by a lovable decapitated version. Frontier Land will replaced by Leper Land. Tomorrow Land will be replaced by Tomorrow After The Holocaust Land. We also plan on completely disregarding ride safety. I firmly believe a ride become more thrilling when there's the possibility of losing a limb or your head if you don't duck at the right time."
May 4, 2004
"Troy Idiot" #1 at Google and Yahoo
Thanks to some schmuck with no life (you know who you
are) for sending us this tip: Go to Google or Yahoo and type
"Troy Idiot" or "Troy Stupid." We rank
#1! Good news for the morons who can't remember
"Lukalips."
April 29, 2004
Cumbersome Sampler #2
FLOCCINAUCHINIHILIPILIFICATION
Our friends at Cumbersome records have released a second
compilation CD. This one features a Troy Lukkarila cartoon along
with several outstanding musical artists. Check it out! www.cumbersome.net
January 10, 2004
Troy Lukkarila Featured in National Magazine
Click image to enlarge
December 6, 2003
Cumbersome Sampler #1
HONORIFICABILITUDINITATIBUS
Our friends at Cumbersome Records have just released their newest compilation
CD. It includes a track from Troy as well as other musicians covering all kinds of styles, but they all have one thing in common- IT AIN'T POP, JACK! Cumbersome is based out of Australia and they are an abundance of independent media including music, print and film. Don't be a prick, check them
out already! www.cumbersome.net
September 13, 2003
Two New Reviews
We recently added two new reviews to the Reviews
page. One reviewer states Troy is "awesome" the other
says that Troy ruined her life. Enjoy!
August 30, 2003
Lukalips.com Migrating to Flash
We kick off our migration to Flash by replacing our main
page with a Flash page. Goodbye HTML!
---
April 8, 2003
Troy Lukkarila Begins Recording His 3rd CD
Troy Lukkarila will begin recording his 3rd studio album
this month. He has temporarily relocated to his former hometown,
Jacksonville, Florida in order to work closely with Roy Peak, who co-
produced his last two CD's.
---
April 1, 2003
Troy Lukkarila Missing
After more than a year of silence from Troy Lukkarila,
speculation has it that Troy Lukkarila is dead. The most popular
rumor to surface is that Mr. Lukkarila met his demise when his stomach
exploded during an egg eating contest. Troy will not verify
or deny these claims.
---
January 3 , 2002
CD Makes NY Rock's Top 10 for 2001
Yes, it's true. "Don't Sit On Tables"
was included on the list! Check it out: http://nyrock.com/streetbeat/2001/sbtop10_2001.asp
----
December 12 , 2001
Stalking Victim Shows Signs of 'Giving in'
During questioning from local authorities, Troy
Lukkarila disclosed that "significant progress is being made in the
effort to win the affection of Laura Wilson." Troy went
on to explain, "I followed her when she moved all the way from
Florida to New York. She has to respect my tenacity.
I mean come on, it's below freezing outside and there I am in her front
yard every night. What girl wouldn't love that?" When
asked if Laura had given him any indication whatsoever that she may be
warming up to him, Troy answered, "She didn't tell me to go to hell
even once yesterday." Laura Wilson declined repeated
requests for interview.
----
November 6, 2001
Lukkarila Receives a Shitty Review at Splendid
Guess you can't please them all, nor would you want
to. You can read it at splendidezine.com
or in the Reviews area on this site.
----
October 2, 2001
Lukkarila review on NYRock.com
You can read it at nyrock.com
or in the Reviews area on this site.
----
Lukalips Destruction Co. Relocates
to New York
Troy Lukkarila announced today that Lukalips Destruction
Co. has been relocated from Florida to New York. So what the hell does that
mean for fans of LDC? It means that shows in the southeast will now be few and far
between, but if you live in the northeast, you will likely have a greater
opportunity enlighten your life by seeing a Troy Lukkarila show. If
you live in the west, well you're probably screwed until the next tour. Troy
wants his friends and fans in Florida to know that they will be missed and
his mortal enemies in Florida to know that he his hoping great pestilence
will be brought upon them and their family and that they will suffer
greatly in the coming years.
----
June 15, 1997
Lukkarila Statue Gets Big Thumbs Down
FT. WAYNE, IN- During the yearly open meeting of the
Salge Drive Neighborhood Beautifying Committee, an anonymous male
proposed that a statue be erected at the neighborhood entrance to honor
local seed spitting legend Troy Lukkarila. After a lengthy explanation
of the significance of the seed spitting competitions that took place in the
seventies, the proposal was unanimously voted down. In a brief
interview following the meeting, the anonymous male told reporters,
"I find it disgraceful that people would dismiss their past in this
manner. If ever there was a hero worth immortalizing, it's Troy
Lukkarila. On top of that, I am outraged at this committee's lack
of knowledge about their history. It's a sad, sad day." ----
July
4, 1977
Reigning Champ Lukkarila a "No Show" at Contest
FT. WAYNE, IN- Many of the contestants were relieved
when it became evident that Troy Lukkarila would not be participating in
the seed spitting contest at this year's Salge Drive Block Party.
Fifteen year old Tom Barnes used the opportunity to tell reporters,
"Troy is a big phony! I knew when he had to go against the
teenagers he would chicken out!" Another young lad was quoted
saying, "I think him and his parents moved away." Troy
was the odds on favorite to win the seed spitting contest this year
after taking first place the past two years. He may have
moved away, but his legend will remain on this street for many years to
come. ----
July 4, 1976
Lukkarila Seals Seed Spitting Victory Again
FT. WAYNE, IN- For the second year in a row, Troy
Lukkarila proved his unmatched spitting abilities when he took home
first place in the Salge Drive block party seed spitting contest. Audible
moans came from the line as contestants realized they would have
to compete against the living legend. "Next year will be
tough," said the proud Troy Lukkarila. "I will be bumped
up to a higher age division, and some of those guys can really shoot a
seed. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy this glorious
victory." Troy was seen wearing the construction paper medal for
the remainder of the day. ----
July 4,
1975
Major Upset in Annual Seed Spitting Contest
FT. WAYNE, IN- In a stunning victory, Troy
Lukkarila, an unknown on the seed spitting circuit, took home first
place in seed spitting contest at this year's Salge Drive block party.
Said one participant, "When he moved into the new neighborhood we
had no idea he was such a good spitter. Where did this kid come
from?" When asked how became such a proficient spitter, the
young champion said, "When I hang out with my cousins, we
spit a lot."
|
