Few people know Troy Lukkarila is an amateur asstronomer. Lately, he has been reviewing data sent back from the NASA ass surveyor, which has managed to map nearly the entire surface of Kim Kardashian's ass. This data is available to the public and can be seen on Google Ass. Troy found this anomaly which demands explanation:

Is there life on Kim Kardashin's ass?

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Troy Lukkarila's clothes were discovered on the sidewalk outside of his home in Jacksonville, Florida. Authorities have not been able to locate Troy, however, we're not sure they're actually trying to locate him. At this point we can only assume that Troy was raptured away by the holy spirit and he is enjoying his time in the kingdom of heaven where God can finally bask in Troy's glory.


We perhaps were a little premature in our assertion that Troy Lukkarila was raptured away to heaven. He was discovered the next day dazed and confused, naked in a ditch, several miles from his home. He was unable to recollect exactly how he got there.

Troy later made the following statement: "Look, I may not have been raptured, but this was still God's work. I mean, if being transported several miles away from your house isn't proof of God, I don't know what is... or aliens. It could have been aliens. Anyway, whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me being really drunk."

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Your baby wants to look good. And you want your baby to look good, don't you? But you're busy and you don't have time to take your baby out to the beach. So you think you're stuck with an ugly, pasty baby. Well guess what! The answer to your problems is here! Lukalips Destruction Co. is presenting these beautiful handcrafted tanning cribs. Now your baby can finally have that healthy glow he/she always wanted!

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We here at LukaLips Destruction Co love the big G. While we await his triumphant return, you can show your faith in the king of all monsters by ordering one of these bumper stickers.  Spread the word!  Get one here.

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Goodbye you crazy fucker. We'll miss you.

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There was much celebrating in the labs of Lukalips Destruction Co., this weekend. Chants of "We did it! We did it!" were heard emanating from the offices. They are celebrating a breakthrough in human/animal gene splicing. Scientists in the Lukalips' genetics lab have successfully combined the genes of company leader Troy Lukkarila with the genes of several other animals to create a brand new species. Said one scientist, "It has always been my dream to create an abomination of nature.

"We still have much to learn," explained scientist Dr. Linda Snardgrass, "We don't even know what to feed it, except we have found it to have an affinity for beer. So, we just kind of keep it liquored up." When asked what animals comprise this new species, Dr. Snardgrass replied "Hell, I don't know. We threw all kinds of shit in there. We kind of lost track."

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Click to enlarge (new window)

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Roland is seen here celebrating this historic milestone.

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An unhappy Troy Lukkarila displays his wound.

Editorial by Troy Lukkarila:

OK, I get it! Stealing copper from air conditioners is wrong! But did I deserve this? Wasn't the punishment just a bit excessive? I spent three hours eating off my own leg to escape this ridiculous bear trap! That's three hours I'll never get back! And I had to do all without anything to drink and without a side dish. I mean, sure my leg tasted good and all, but it was too much of a good thing. Now if I had a little salad and some wine to offset the flavor, the whole experience wouldn't have been so bad. Anyway, that was one of my favorite legs and I'm going to miss it. Bear traps suck!

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